Referrals work. Just not the way you think.

We’ve all heard it: “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”

And sure, you’ve seen it happen. Someone reaches out to a friend, has a quick conversation, and lands the job. Just like that.

But if that hasn’t been your experience, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing something.

That’s how I felt at the beginning of my job search. I thought I was doing everything right: applying to roles I was qualified for, tailoring my resume, writing thoughtful cover letters. But I wasn’t getting traction.

When I looked at my numbers, it became obvious: the roles where I had a referral were the ones moving forward. Not every time, but often enough that it completely changed how I approached the search.

Referrals work - just not in the magical, instant-offer way we sometimes hear about.

Referrals work when you treat them like a strategy, not a shortcut.

What My Numbers Showed Me

From January to May, I applied to 94 roles. I got 12 interviews. 8 of those came from referrals.

Then, from May to June, I changed my approach. I applied to 13 roles only where I had referrals. I got 3 interviews. All came from referrals.

I ended up landing my current role in June…through a referral.

In total, over the course of my job search:

• 15 people referred me for roles
• I got 10 interviews from those referrals
• There were 5 times the referral didn’t lead to an interview

So no, referrals aren’t a silver bullet. But they drastically increase your chances of getting your foot in the door.

Here’s what the difference looked like:

11 of my 15 total interviews came from roles where I had a referral.

That’s 17x higher odds than cold applications alone.

What I Wish I Knew Sooner

I wish I caught this trend earlier. It would’ve saved me at least 50 hours spent applying cold to roles that went nowhere. I could’ve used that time reconnecting with people in real life (which I enjoy more anyway).

One big insight: what you want in your next role - and your network - evolves over time.

Because I was pivoting slightly in my role, it ended up being more valuable to talk to people in that I had loose ties with in the new space rather than lean on strong ties from my past.

In fact, some of the people who helped most were folks I hadn’t worked with in years or ever but they were in roles or companies aligned with where I wanted to go.

That changed everything.

Real talk: I almost didn’t write this article. Not because the strategy isn’t valuable - but because it felt so obvious in hindsight. But that’s the thing about job searching: what seems obvious after the fact often isn’t clear when you’re in it.

And when you’re in it, it can feel way more productive to send out another application than to schedule a coffee chat. Clicking “apply” feels like progress. Having a conversation? That’s less predictable. But that’s also what makes this shift so hard and so worth it.

How to Use Your Time Better

Here’s a simple playbook to help you stop spinning your wheels and start focusing on what actually works:

1. Prioritize opportunities where you know someone.

Even a light connection can make a difference.

2. Broaden your definition of who you look to for a referral.

It doesn’t have to be a close friend or a former manager. A warm intro, a quick Slack connection, or someone passing your name along internally can still help.

3. Spend more time finding 5 people to talk to than applying to 50 roles cold.

That’s where momentum starts to build.

Start With Connection

Here’s how to apply where you have a referral (even if your network feels small right now):

1. Look for warm doors, not just open ones.

Before you apply, ask: Do I know anyone at this company?

Even a loose connection: someone from a meetup, a LinkedIn contact, a friend-of-a-friend, or a neighbor can help.

2. Don’t ask for a referral. Start a conversation.

The goal isn’t to get something, it’s to learn something.

People are more likely to help when they feel helpful, not pressured.

3. Build now for later.

Even if there’s no open role today, you’re building trust and visibility for the next one.

Referrals come from people who know what you’re great at but only if you’ve stayed in touch.

What Really Matters

You don’t need 100 connections. You need a few good ones and a clear story about how you can help.

Want help uncovering who to reach out to next? The Daily Lift is a journal I created for job seekers who want to stay focused and build momentum through thoughtful action. It includes daily prompts to help you identify your next right move - and the people who can help.